Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Diary of a Snow Shoveller

December 8 - It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 14 - Snow lovely snow! The cold makes everything sparkle so. The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.

December 24 - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25 - Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the god damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude...

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

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